Rebuilding Connection: Ways for LGBTQ+ People to Heal from Bullying and Discrimination

William Koehler Koehler Author

Bullying and discrimination can leave lasting scars, but healing is possible. One of the biggest barriers? Isolation.

Rebuilding Connection: Ways for LGBTQ+ People to Heal from Bullying and Discrimination - The Case of Jamie* (they/them)

Experiencing bullying or discrimination as an LGBTQ+ person can leave deep emotional wounds, leading to isolation, dissociation, and increased sensitivity to triggers. Healing from these experiences requires intentional steps to reconnect with oneself and the community.

I began working with Jamie shortly after they lost their job. They had been harassed and humiliated in front of everyone by their supervisor, who accused them of using the wrong bathroom. “If you’re not going to go where you belong, you’ll be written up EVERY TIME!” In tears, they fled and never went back. Their employer denied their unemployment request, stating they had abandoned their position.

Fortunately, Jamie’s rent and basic needs were covered by a family member for a few months. But by the time I began working with them, their family had grown impatient. Despite their efforts, they had not been able to search for another job. Their confidence was shattered, they were having nightmares about their humiliating experiences at their last job, and they could barely do anything other than watch a 24-hour news channel. “They’re my only friends I can trust,” they would say about the regular news anchors and hosts.

Together, Jamie and I built a three-stage plan to help them move from fear and isolation to confidence and action. Here’s how we approached their healing process:

1. Recognizing and Managing Isolation

Bullying and discrimination can make it difficult to trust others, leading to withdrawal. While alone time can be necessary for self-care, prolonged isolation can reinforce negative thoughts and emotions.

Start Small: I challenged Jamie to reach out to a trusted friend, even if it was just a single text message asking to meet at a dog park so they could visit while Jamie’s dog played. Even this small step helped ease feelings of loneliness.

Create a Routine: Establishing daily habits that include some form of social interaction can help, whether it’s calling a family member or visiting a coffee shop. Jamie used to enjoy visiting a local bookstore and coffee shop in their neighborhood but had not returned since the incident. I suggested they go just to browse the magazine rack. Soon, they found a sense of community because the staff was happy to see them.

2. Coping with Dissociation

Dissociation is a common response to trauma, making it difficult to stay present in daily life. Grounding techniques can help reestablish a sense of connection with the present moment.

Use Sensory Grounding: I helped Jamie develop grounding techniques to help them feel calm, even when they were outside their apartment. One of the most effective tools we used was Inner Sanctuary, a guided exercise to create a mental space of safety and calm. Download a free copy here to set up your own internal sanctuary.

Download Your Free Inner Sanctuary Creation Guide Here.

Practice Mindfulness: Waking up and immediately scrolling through social media or turning on the news can increase anxiety, even if it’s just background noise. I asked Jamie to delay turning on the TV in the morning until after they had let out their dog and made themselves a cup of coffee. I also challenged them to create a playlist of their favorite calming music. After a week, Jamie reported they found themselves farther into their day before even noticing the news wasn’t on.

3. Desensitizing Triggers in a Healthy Way

Repeated exposure to discrimination can create strong emotional responses to specific triggers. While avoidance may seem like the safest option, gradual desensitization can reduce distress over time.

Identify Triggers: Although Jamie was avoiding applying for jobs and interviewing, they were actually triggering their anxiety and re-traumatizing themselves by isolating and watching the news all day. Once I pointed this out, they realized the news wasn’t helping them feel safer, and the anchors weren’t actually helping with their isolation. This awareness helped them break the habit.

Use Exposure Techniques: Engaging with triggering content in a controlled way can help. To stay informed while avoiding unnecessary distress, Jamie’s friend recommended a daily blog summarizing LGBTQ+ news, which also included positive and empowering stories about advocacy and progress. This helped Jamie feel less alone and more hopeful.

Moving Forward

Jamie was able to begin their job search a month after we started working together. Their first step was applying for a job at the local bookstore and coffee shop they frequented. While they weren’t hired due to a lack of openings, the shift supervisor provided positive feedback, boosting Jamie’s confidence. They realized that their gender wasn’t a barrier for every employer and that they still had valuable customer service skills. I look forward to our next meeting to see how Jamie is doing.

Healing from past harm is a journey, but with intentional effort and support, reconnection and resilience are possible. No matter where you are in your healing process, you are not alone—the LGBTQ+ community is filled with love, support, and solidarity.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the impact of discrimination, reach out for support—whether it’s a trusted friend, therapist, or LGBTQ+ community group. You don’t have to do this alone.

* Rather than share details about one person’s life, to protect their privacy, Jamie’s name and several details have been changed. Specifics about the work accomplished have been added from several different cases to demonstrate a cohesive narrative.

Categories: : Trauma Processing